You can't help but hope. Smile at their easy swing and walk, hear them talk and laugh. Have a fantastic life you say. And you bury yourself with your fear that even they don't know where to go and what to do.
There's a small part of me like, this can't be. How can the world keep on keeping on if there is a deep hole in every heart, a heavy void in every throat. I want to say, I feel you, but that would be too engaging, why can't you feel me, and let it drown you whole.
Please like me, she said. I hear you hurtin' but I can't allow myself to be anything but a pool of self-hatred. I want to love you, but the efforts are immeasurable. I'm way over my head. And I will never truly believe you ever fancied me. You tried to save yourself saving me.
Now end it. This. You and me. Remind me how excruciating it's been for you, how much of a weight I've been. And I hoped. I wanted the very best for you. I wish I could have been a rock in Virginia's pocket.